Just Personal Note, I’m Afraid

Posted on December 19, 2011


Suddenly I’m afraid. Afraid of something that I should not to.

I know my body is not in a good condition, I think it’s getting worst to my scoliosis. Everyday I took a bus to my school. In the morning the bus always crowded. My back sometimes being push or I sat in the way that doesn’t make my spine comfortable enough for at least an hour. After that, I felt hurt, pain, I don’t know how to describe it, it just hurt. Recently when I sleep, it’s interfere me.

Friends and people I know always ask me the same question when I complain about this. They said “Why don’t you go to doctor, check your scoliosis, surgery or something like that?” and always after that I can’t answer it. My Dad ever told me that I’m special. He knows that I want to fix it, I want to take a surgery, but at the time when I ask him about this, he always told me that he afraid that I might leave him, leave my mom and my sister. Both my mom and my dad don’t want to take any risk of that. After all, all I can do is just keep my body fit, never push it or do something that might hurt it.

I don’t mind about that. But now I’m so afraid. I don’t know why, I think I just need someone to talk, I really miss my dad, I really miss his arm, the way he keep my hands in his, the way he look at me and told me that everything’s okay. I miss someone to share something. Though I know, when I want to share something, my lips are sealed, and in the end, I don’t share anything at all. But I just need someone to tell me that everything’s okay, I just need someone who really want to listen my story, my complain, all. And now I need my dad 😦

Posted in: My Journal